{sometimes}

It's interesting looking at all the paradoxes and ironies in day-to-day life. Like for example, sometimes the students with the best results are the ones putting in the least effort. Sometimes the fittest and most athletic people are smokers.

These few days I've been reflecting on something: that sometimes the people most opposed to physical aggression and 'roughness', are themselves rough and aggressive in their words and the way they treat other people.

{in the face of adversity}

I AM A MAN
IN THE FACE OF ADVERSITY, NO MATTER HOW GREAT,
I WILL REMAIN CALM.
IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE
BUT EVERYTHING TO LOSE IF I LOSE MY FOCUS
SO WHAT IF MY LIFE, AND ALL THAT I LOVE
WERE ON THE LINE?
I WILL PROVE MYSELF TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY
FOR FAILURE IS NOT IN NOT SUCCEEDING
BUT IN NOT TRYING AT ALL.

IT IS NOT IN BRUTE STRENGTH THAT
A MAN PROVES HIS WORTH
IT IS IN STRENGTH OF HEART AND OF CHARACTER
AND OF SOUL
IT IS NOT IN TRYING THAT
A MAN LOSES HIS WORTH
BUT IN NOT DUSTING HIMSELF AFTER THE FALL

Written sometime early last week, on a sheet from an exam pad which explains the physical length of each line; what with handwriting as big as mine.

{everytime}

I think that the best way to hold on to something is to not hold on too tight; not to control. I read somewhere that it's just like holding on to sand; hold on too tightly and it just slips from between your fingers. But cup your hands nicely, and the sand remains. It's all about accepting other people's subtle differences. It's about not being intent on changing someone to suit your every prerogative. It's about tolerance, and getting along.

It's about being aware and conscious of how others feel, and being sensitive to the workings of their hearts. It's about selflessness. Relationships are full of happiness and joy and they last when there's acceptance of each other's temperaments, and appreciation of each other's characters as a whole.

{what is it?}

I took AS Physics last year and got an 'a' with A for each of the three components. Knowing that you can't get a better grade than that (a better mark, yes) I then decided not to sit for AS Physics (ever) again so that I can concentrate on A2 this November. Later, I found out that apparently I don't have to sit for any internal exams with Physics AS content if I want to, since I'm not going to sit for the real Physics AS again anyway. For example, this mid-year, for Physics we've got two papers (same goes for the other two science subjects): Paper 1 (AS syllabus) and Paper 2 (A2 syllabus). So the idea is to just sit for Paper 2, with my mid-year grade for Physics depending on just that paper.

The problem is, currently my Physics A2 is kinda really bad. So, sitting for Paper 1 to up my grade is tempting. What's more, Paper 1 is next week i.e. after Paper 2 which is today, and next week I only have two papers to study for. The week after I have another two papers. Basically I can sure --- tell you I have all the time that I want and need to study for Paper 1. But I've already told my tutor that I'm not gonna sit for Physics AS again. I told him I was sure, and that I was firm. But that was for the real, Cambridge exam. That was before the timetable for mid-year came out. Yes, I'm definitely sure I don't want to sit for Physics AS again in November. What I'm worried now is just the internal, mid-year school exam. I'm worried about my grade this time round. I'm thinking of going to sit for Paper 1 to help pull my grade up.

So here's my dilemma: just go and sit for Paper 2 this mid-year, and potentially suffer the consequences of a sole paper done badly. OR renege on my decision, and sit for both Papers. I think the first choice shows strength in adversity, and the willingness to work hard to achieve; while the second just shows kiasu-ness.

I know none of this is life-threatening, and it's just mid-year haha but yeah still.

{gratitude}

I am ever so grateful for the colourful life that Allah Ta'ala has let me live.

{hello...}

Ancelm said today that pain, pleasure and value are all states of mind...

Mr. Chan asked Nabeh today for advice 'cause he's got a lot of modules to finish...

I don't remember what Mr. Nyiau said...

But Mr. Gavaghan wrote "Yuk!" on my answer 'cause I said Applicant A was "nice"

{iron man}

Iron Man is an inspiring blend of bad guy/good guy, technology & doing the right thing. And action (almost forgot that).

Perfect for your Sunday or when you're convinced you've forgotten half of AS Chemistry...

{top 20}

Thought I'd put down the top 20 most played songs in my iPod Shuffle (in order):

1) ALTER BRIDGE "Watch Over You"
2) ALTER BRIDGE "Broken Wings"
3) MAYDAY PARADE "Three Cheers For Five Years"
4) ONE STAR STORY "This Game"
5) SENSES FAIL " Can't Be Saved"
6) SLIPKNOT "Vermillion, Pt. 2"
7) NE-YO "Because Of You"
8) MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE "Helena"
9) REPUBLIK "Hanya Ingin Kau Tahu"
10) ALTER BRIDGE "Down To My Last"
11) DAUGHTRY "Home"
12) JIMMY EAT WORLD "Work"
13) LEONA LEWIS "Bleeding Love"
14) NATALIE "Love You So"
15) STONE SOUR "Through Glass"
16) TRIVIUM "Dying In Your Arms"
17) ALTER BRIDGE "Open Your Eyes"
18) SECONDHAND SERENADE "Your Call"
19) SENSES FAIL "Let It Enfold You"
20) UNGU "Kekasih Gelapku"

Some to be expected; some surprising haha. There's a lot of Alter Bridge in my iPod so naturally there'd be some in the top 20 - in fact, the top 2 are Alter Bridge songs. A couple of strong Senses Fail, and some that SHOULD NOT BE THERE! (Referring to nos. 7, 9 & 20 - embarrasingly!) Nos. 6, 11 & 18 were somewhat surprisingly high on the list, and no. 15 is a recent addition but coming up strongly. I don't really listen using iTunes so you can attribute the counts to my iPod-listening. =)

{almost legal}

Today happens to be Ayyub's birthday, which makes me extremely happy.

When I look back at my recent life, one thing is clear and I’m not exaggerating when I tell you this: Just about every important thing I know about life I learned from Ayyub. You might even say he's been something of a role model. Of course role model means 'positive influence'. I love that he always inspires me to not give up, but to keep on going no matter what and achieve more, never be the last and to always be true to myself.

He's a great friend with a great mind, a sense of humor, an outgoing nature and has a tremendous amount of compassion and he brings commitment to everything he does. Always ready to listen to a problem and offer some advice. He’s also strong, fun, delightful and an achiever with a passion for physics, teaching and love for simple things in life that makes every minute on this earth count. He’s such an awesome person I tell you!!!!!

In all ways, in any way, he's really quite a guy.

Here’s to you, the one I turn to for comfort when my heart is heavy and the first one I run to when I have good news to share, I love you more than anything material. You light up my day and feed me with strength, your love and security. Through seasons and years, you've grown nearer to my heart. I would stand back to back with you against the world. Thanks for everything, I love you…

Happy 18^th Birthday!

xoxo,

nyna