{memory}

Today was a very memorable day for me.

{hey hey hey goodbye}

The world seemed so bright.. I had just found out that I got a A's for both my Chemistry and Mathematics (Maths I took again 'cause I got a B for my Mechanics paper last November).

Sekali, it wasn't so bright - my O-level BM.. again, B! For the third time..but I don't know yet whether it's a B3 or B4. Oh well, but all the same, alhamdulillah.

{sierra oscar sierra}

My 90th post. The reason I'm not publishing much these days is because I write stuff then just save it on the computer. It's just for me, it's more personal that way.. so what comes out on this blog is what is public, like it says at the top. Not very interesting eh? Well I guess so..I was thinking about this tonight and I imagined what this place would look like after 10 years if I pour out my life to it.

But don't worry, this doesn't change anything really. This place will still be like it was before, just a bit more tiresome to read 'cause there are no pics.

{tagged ii}

I was tagged by Wei Han, Matul (well yeah..) as well as Fui Ying:

Rules
. State 15 weird things/ habits/ little known facts about yourself
. The 10 people I tag are to then to follow my footsteps and write their own 15 weird things/habits and little known facts.
. No tag backs

I can't really think of the things this tagging business wants me to put down, but here goes...very randomly, and without thought
1) I wash my car once a week, inside and out..takes an hour.
2) I sleep alone in a double bed.
3) I always switch back to station number one on the car radio before I switch it off.
4) When stacking, Physics is always on top, then Chemistry, then Bio at the bottom.
5) I shave using an old-style razor (not the modern, disposable ones).
6) I get my hair cut the first Sunday of every Gregorian month.
7) I used to play cricket at Pandan 8.
8) I am very worried about my name (exams - for Nov last year Muhd, June this year Muhammad, Nov this year Muhd again).
9) I can count to ten in French too.
10) I can count to five in Chinese.
11) I can count to seven in Arabic.
12) I genuinely drink coffee.
13) I, apparently, stare.
14) I know what the words for red, blue, black, yes, thank you, hello, the, no, goodbye and France are in French.
15) I know what 'yes' and 'my love' is in Spanish.

I now tag...just 5 people...
- Jeremy
- Liza
- Nabih
- Azamri
- Rahim Nitro
And I don't care if they've been tagged or not

{make a wish}

The Godfather's 3 Laws of True Love are as follows:

1) For every man, regardless of race, religion or colour, is destined to a true love.

2) The fundamental principles of true love are governed by Shakespeare's Sonnet 116.

3) True love is blind.

With permission.

{i'll show you everything}

Michael Phelps wins his 8th gold medal of this Games and the 14th Olympic gold of his career - he's now the Olympian with the most golds in one Games as well as the most golds in a career, so far.

And what is it I've heard about a section of Jalan Tengah (road to Seria down the middle - not bypass) being closed...for 7 months? Or 9 months? Kalau org kn buat anak, beranak sudah tu.

And...I'll sort my being 'tagged' later!

{against the wall}

Usain Bolt of Jamaica wins the men's 100m final in 9.69s, a world record - and he was celebrating even before the finish line! I had just gotten home from a friend's and there it was on the telly - these guys lining up on the start line. And then go! They had started and 10s later, it was over.

{under the sunlight}

The past two weeks have kicked me into high gear. Ever since that phone call and the interview that followed shortly, I've come to realise that I lack in certain areas of study. I don't know things. I can't answer questions. I doubt myself sometimes, but other times, the encouragement of people around me make me have firm belief in myself and what I can do. I sound insecure? Maybe I am, but only recently. I used to think that I could do it all, that I could sail through everything. I still think I can manage, but it has to be done wholeheartedly. Right now my targets are, somewhat involuntarily, high. But similar to what I had written in a blog post a couple of months ago, aim high..full of heart..try to reach it..if you fail, you'll be in a place you'd never even reach if you had aimed for just enough. So that's what I'm doing. It's crazy. My fallback options are equivalent to other people's loftiest dreams. I wouldn't imagine doing this without all the support that I get. People who believe in me, who I guess saw what potential I had/have, when I don't even believe in myself. But now I do..now I do

{can i not have a title?}

So here I am, past midnight and wanting to blog. I had the opportunity tonight to watch The Dark Knight which was released half a decade ago (exaggeration). Alright, everyone's watched it. And now I can say, so have I.. Hahaha

So anyway, I had high expectations right from the start, seeing how many overwhelmingly positive reviews the movie has gotten. I remember me and my friend talking about it even last year - imagine the hype. And basically everyone has basically either said it's a great watch or it's the best superhero movie ever. The Brunei Times' movie review (which comes out once a week I guess) gave it a 9/10 - not a rating given very often. So.. naturally when you have a best friend who says it's a really good movie and your interests are both much alike, you'd think the movie would really suit you too.

So now you'd expect me to say I disagree with all of it and that the movie was bad. No, I won't say that. I'll say it was good, but not great. It came across to me just like most other movies. Gasp now. Point your index finger. How could I? I admit it's probably bad taste. I almost always go against public opinion and the movie reviews. Not to mention that I was trying to ignore my bladder for the latter half of the movie.

On the plus side, I really liked the dialogues in The Dark Knight. You could feel that there was meaning in the conversations, unlike in other movies where the characters like, talk nonsense. I think it was philosophic. And I particularly liked Alfred, and all the scenes with the high-tech stuff in it. At the end of it all, for me, I want to come away from movies feeling empowered, no matter if it was a comedy or an action film. And I guess I came away empowered today.

{1128}

Hey all.. So here I am again, telling another story of how things are today. I feel empowered all the more often these days. I think the biggest naysayer in my life is myself. Why's that? When everyone else is telling me that I can make it, that there's probably no one else who could do it better. Maybe it's because it's natural for you to doubt yourself - that's why there are so many self-help books out there that try to teach you how to think positively. Or maybe it's because I'm a pessimistic person. I've always answered "half-empty" in response to the half-glass of milk/water/whatever question. I've got people telling me that I think too much. That I worry too much. I admit that's true. It's created unneccessary stress for myself at the wrong times. But it has also served me well throughout the years. It has surfaced in the form of paying attention to detail. Well if you ask me, paying attention to detail and thinking too much come together. People who are into detail think a lot, right? But most people aren't so extreme in thinking, I think. I think about everything (most things). I go over events in my head. I visualise processes, decisions and consequences.. Okay, back to tadi: paying attention to detail has helped me get good grades. Most people just breeze over their notes. Those that don't do this tend to focus too much on one topic or the other. This is connected to study method/skill but do you get the idea? It's also connected to knowing what you should know for the exam, and all this stuff comes under a completely different subject but the idea is that when you pay attention to detail and you remember all the little bits and pieces that other people just breeze over, then you can answer those questions that require knowledge of these little bits and pieces.. You might say my theory is all made-up, well yeah, I never did any research on this so I made it up. But it feels kinda true you know. And yeah another good thing about paying attention to detail is that you've got all this trivia in your head. Like when you listen to conversations or read the paper or hear the news or watch the news then you pick up all this stuff about how whites will be a minority in America in 2040 or smth like that. Yes, I heard that on the news. Okay, it is news. It's not trivia. But just imagine it is trivia. Then you can say to yourself, hey, I know a lot of trivia about the world today and it makes you feel wealthy of knowledge even though you might never be tested for it. So this post was mainly about how I felt about something and I can hardly understand half of what I just typed. But nevermind. I feel empowered. That's the most important thing. I know I can pull through. Not pull through as in C C Cs, 'cause I'm aiming for higher. I know I can pull through with A A A a. 'Cause I've got the desire. And the discipline. And I will prevail. Insya-Allah. I will do my utmost best, and I won't worry nor will I look back. I might have been thinking and worrying too much before, but not now. I'm just focused on what's ahead. I'm doing my part. The rest is in His hands.

{hmm what you say...}

We went to public library today in KB (and yesterday as well, and the day before, and for many days now). We like going to the one in KB 'cause it's cosier and warmer and we know the staff (unlike the yellow one in Pandan). So Hadi was listening to my iPod. And he came across the song "Jangan Gila Dong" which he repeated guess how many - 8 times! We could count 'cause the volume was so loud it was like he was playing the song for the rest of us!

{hold it by the hand}

I don't feel so good, I don't know why..I hope I feel better in a bit. Maybe it's just the stress of high level things.

As for today's paper, I'm not telling anyone anything about it until all the others have taken it as well. Integrity yo.

This afternoon insyaAllah am sitting for an interview for the Sultan's Scholarship in Bandar. Pray that everything goes well for me.

{closer}

How cool can cool be yo?? I believe one door has already been opened - another 2 more ahead. Now down the corridor I stride. Ready, armed.

You might think what the? What are you talking about?!?

Ask me lah. Not here. In person or online. Why not here? 'Cause I don't feel so. Better I converse with you lah. But it's a U-turn man. 180 degrees turn. Not quite there yet, but getting closer. As I said, one door open wide. Two more waiting. I have the key - but it's rusty. I need to get it cleaned.

Almost there. Almost there. Keep it up.

{good to go}

Hey. I'm in the middle of organic chemistry but I felt I wanted to blog. About nothing. Haha.. Qualifying exams start this Thursday. Looking back at it, it's amazing how fast time passes. I was watching the video they made for Best Student Award in April of last year (our 1st MPP task!) where they went to Charlene Bong's (the legend) place and interviewed her. And.. in that video she also mentioned like how fast sixth form went by. For me personally, it only seems like yesterday that I went through orientation. I really liked it, the music and running around and all but apparently most of my colleagues don't feel the same way. Well I guess I was just trying to assimilate into SMSA then so I just took it all in. You know what I mean? Like just make yourself like it 'cause you're already there. That should be applied to school. I don't want to go to a place for 6 or 7 hours a day and not enjoy the process. Well, it's been what - almost 4 months since I left pink behind - meaning the MPP and I finally found that I have all the time in the world that I need for my studies. Not all the time in the world lah, but forgive me for exaggerating. 'Cause when I was caught up in the MPP job I always managed to find time for studies and stuff, although my social life wasn't too good. I was still --- then and was doing no exercise, sleeping past midnight was usual. So during that period, time really flew by. Like right now, when I recall back to say, July last year I don't remember anything. How could I have lived last year without remembering anything? It's when you live high on --- homework and adrenaline. Oh yeah there was a lot of homework. My good friend Hadi says it averages 2 hours a day? Well yesterday was quite a memorable day for me 'cause it was the day I finished the last Mathematics homework of this 'A' Level course. That was..wow.. So the next 3-4 weeks will insyaAllah be qualifying exams and then right after that puasa..Most probably a week or two after Raya the real 'A' Levels will come in.. That is fast. Ah now that I drive, I might go for sembahyang tarawih at school. Yes they do it there! Otherwise, it'll be at the Surau Mumong as usual. These days I'm cutting down on coffee, well I just drink it at school to help me with the afternoon classes. And I'm sleeping early. I aim for 10.30, in fact before that every day. But yeah sometimes still I stretch up to midnight when there's work to be done. I think now I'll just finish this bit of organic chemistry then go to sleep. Hope you guys and girls liked my recent flurry of posts. :)

{today becomes your day}

Life is beautiful
Only if you open your eyes to see
What good there is in life
What good can there be?

It is but a vicious cycle
A cycle of ups and downs
It's not that you must fall
It's how you turn things around

For in life things may not
Always go your way
The most important thing is that
Today becomes your day

Believe that you can make it
Believe it's there for you
Believe it's there for taking
By a winner in the making

Ayyub
2nd Aug 2008.

{the bird with feathers}

Hey again. So it's my third post actually for today, and by no means is that a bad thing. Unless of course, I'm wasting my time. But I don't think so. So.. I'm having a very bad running nose and my eyes are watery. Now, what I want to include in this blog post are the little bits and pieces that have happened these past few days. Haha!

On Tuesday, during our afternoon Physics class, our tutor Mr. Nyiau asked us whether he had told us "the bird story". So some of us were like, "no, not yet" but some others were like "what bird?". Ha-ha. So he said, "bird with feathers" - just to clear things. So when he had confirmed he had not yet told us the story, he began to tell it:

(More or less lah ah this one..in passive form.)

There were 2 bright fellas who had the opportunity to travel to Japan. So they went to Japan with the intention of seeing a wise old man to test him.

So off they went, first by plane, then by bullet train, and then by taxi. Then they had to travel by foot through the forest and up the mountain where the old man lived.

So when they reached the old man's place, they decided between them as to how they would test the old man.

One fella said to the other "we should catch a bird". The other agreed and so they caught a bird. They then called out for the old man.

"Old man, old man, well you are the most intelligent person on the face of this earth. We have but a simple question for you." One of the fellas was holding by the neck the bird they had just caught. They asked the old man, "Is this bird dead or alive?" The old man called back out:

"Young man, young man, I know what you two are up to. If I say that the bird is alive, you'll just twist its neck and it'll be dead. But if I say that it's dead, then you'll just let it go and it'll fly away."

The 2 fellas got caught by the old man's foresight. The old man continued,

"So you see, the decision is in your hands. It's not for me to decide. You decide."

-----

Philosophy.. Oh and I have got a new phone. It actually used to be my father's phone (not dad). So now, after only exactly 2 months, he's got guess what? Another brand new one! A Nokia smth smth. So naturally (ehem) his 'old' one falls to me. It's a Motorola Q9h, PDA sorta thing. QWERTY keypad. Lama sudah keluar lah, but anyway:

Hmm.. very you know, executive sort of thing. Not very..friendly as of yet. Functionality..good. Thin. Okay lah. Hehe.

So during PS this morning we were telling jokes. There was Christopher, Vivek, Zaim and myself. Not the usual crowd eh but anyways. Okay this is starting to get lame. But what am I afraid of? Uh lemme go to sleep.

{uhuh}

Hey ya so I've been around to some blogs from my friends' blogs, and a lot of Pre-U1 blogs too and it's amazing to see how careful I am when I blog. Like why do I wait till I have a good idea then I edit and re-edit it before I blog? Why do I need to make it look like something from the newspaper? Why does it have to have no mistakes? Why do I even need to correct my typos, like I'm doing now? I wanna be smth like the Pre-U1 blogs I just went to, where they rant abt their daily lives and it's sometimes really cool as to how much insight you can get into their circumstances. Like, wow, ranting about life can be so interesting and ppl will read it and come to appreciate life and look at it from another perspective, while I'm just sitting here thinking how stupid it is for me to talk abt my day. Things are gonna change man and it's abt time I dropped the poshness of my GP-standard blogging and start from sea level where I can talk abt anything and everything and it doesn't have to qualify as good because it all is good because it's my life. Now that past sentence was complex but you get the vibe right? Just blog. It's good. And it's worth it. 'Cause you'll get readers like the blogs I went to just now got readers. Now this is not abt readership but abt changing attitudes. I don't need this place but neither do I want to get rid of it completely. Let it be at my disposal as I please.

Alright the next part of my post will be an advertisement which I hope gets passed around. I'd like to find a running partner but I don't want to join a club. Most of the time I run/jog alone and sometimes with a friend, but hey, why not get a person to run with? Like on a regular basis? So here it is:

Two or three times a week, say 5km everytime. Afternoons, back at home before sunset. Any surfaces, preferably tarmac, my average is say 8km per hour, max. 14 but only for short distances below 2km. KB area?

Now looking at it this is --- but ---. Anything goes man.. Emm and I aim to increase my lung capacity.

{watch over you}

This is more or less the text for my speech this morning:

Good morning.

This is a prepared speech.

My speech today will be about integrity. I’ll talk about what integrity is and why it’s important for us to have it.

My dictionary says that “integrity” is the “quality of having strong moral principles” as well as “the concept of basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles”.

So basically if I say that I have integrity, it means that I have strong moral principles and the more integrity that I have, the more do my actions align with my set of inner values.

You know how in mathematics we call whole numbers ‘integers’? Both ‘integer’ and ‘integrity’ come from the same root – they mean wholeness, and as applied to human beings, they mean wholeness of character.

Now, why would this be important? Why, when I have the golden opportunity to speak about anything on this fine morning, would I want to give this lecture?

I admit it’s because I’m idealistic. But it’s also because if we live without integrity, it means we live without sound principles. It means we live by something other than sound principles.

Now, that’s not good. Without principles to guide us, we lose our direction. When we lose our direction, we can no longer see the thin line between what is right and what is wrong; between what is good and what is bad. Our moral compass has gone haywire. We start to do bad things.

We’ve lost direction when we lie. We’ve lost direction when we cheat. And we know we’ve lost direction when we steal.

Ladies and Gentlemen, picture integrity as a suit of armour, which when you put it on, you become a person of character. With it on, you are able to deal ethically with the tough decisions of today, be prepared for the challenges of tomorrow.

Now my challenge to you is simple. It is by far a challenge to my own self, for my mouth is closest to my own ear: put this armour on and wear it – this armour of integrity. As with real armour, it is difficult to change into. But once you’ve got it on, it will protect you. Remember that.

Before I pass the microphone back, I’d like to share a quote from our still-relevant TV show host, Oprah Winfrey. She puts a lot of things into simple terms, and this quote basically sums up my speech:

She said that “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.”

Thank you.

{pink linen on white paper}

My friend Zaki once said that if you have a pessimist girlfriend, don't give her perfume as a gift 'cause she'll think you gave it 'cause she smells..